Burn Like a Star

I can’t find words,
I can’t color the canvas,
When I try to untangle the mess inside.
All I know, all that I can understand in a way I can explain,
Is that I’m a star without a constellation,
Shining in its cradle, both yearning and afraid to shine in tandem with others.
Blessed and cursed with emotions of love and hate,
Trust and distrust,
So, I’ve become my best enemy and worst friend,
A contradiction.
Struggling to find words and colors,
To express what’s inside.
I want to burn like a star,
For just a moment, unafraid of hurting or being hurt.
Yet the world and I have caged myself,
Even while freeing myself,
Still a contradiction,
Fighting itself to live or die.
Am I strong?
Or am I weak?
For still being here,
I wonder if I’m sane,
In my understanding of what can’t fixed this.
It makes me ask if I have a reason to live,
Or if my reason for living is hurting me,
Like a double-edged blade,
Is asking the question the same?
I can’t find words,
I can’t color the canvas,
When I try to untangle the mess inside.
All I know is that I’m a star without a constellation,
Shining in its cradle, both yearning and afraid to shine in tandem with others.
Am I a contradiction?
As I break and rebuild,
Again and again,
Is this strength, is this growth?
I’ve become my best enemy and worst friend,
A contradiction.
I want to burn like a star,
Unafraid to live,
Not fighting itself to live or die.
I wonder if I’m sane,
While struggling to find words and colors,
To express what’s inside,
Is this enough?
Can I burn like a star?