“No matter what I say.”
“No matter how I word it.”
“No matter how I show it.”
“I see that you can’t see,”
“Even when I don’t hide it.”
“You can’t see that I’m not okay.”
On a summer day,
Your all smiling and happy.
I hear you laughing as I watch you all.
All while inside I’m screaming in pain.
I can’t explain it,
I can’t find a reason.
But I know I’m not alright,
And I feel like I’m less than nothing.
Worthless, miserable, broken,
A want to lock myself away from the world.
Its like I’m nothing but broken glass,
Shattered and put together again and again,
But always with pieces missing and cracks all over.
Why is it that no matter what I say?
No matter how I word it.
No matter how I show it.
I see that you can’t see,
Even when I don’t hide it.
You can’t see that I’m not okay.
Why can’t you see,
Why can’t you understand?
Though even as I want you here,
I want to be alone.
But please don’t leave me behind,
Even as I say to leave me be.
As I lock myself away,
I’m silently screaming for this all to stop,
Even as I’m silently begging for you to be here.
On a winter day,
Your all smiling and happy.
I hear you laughing as I watch you all play.
All while inside I’m falling apart.
I can’t explain it,
I can’t find a reason.
But I know I’m not alright,
And I feel like I’m less than nothing.
I still smile and laugh,
I still hold you tight and say, “I love you.”
But beneath all,
I’m the one who needs you.
I know I hide it all,
I know you can’t always see it,
That you may never truly understand.
I know I’m lying, but…
I’m fighting the monsters inside me,
That me I never wanted inside me,
The thing inside I never wanted to become.
I’m fighting for you,
But its hard.
Because every part of me is already broken,
Fragile like broken glass,
Shattered and put together again and again,
But always with pieces missing and cracks all over.
Though still no matter what I say.
No matter how I word it.
No matter how I show it.
I see that you can’t see,
Even when I don’t hide it.
You can’t see that I’m not okay.
Its not your fault though,
You’re not the reason.
Its me, its myself that’s to blame in the end.
I love you, even when I push you away.
I don’t hate you, even when my words are like knifes.
I’m crying for you, even when I lock myself away.
No matter what,
I want to be alright.
On a summer day,
I want to be happy with you.
On a winter day,
I want to be with you.
But no matter what I do,
I’m still not okay.
Though even now,
I hope you know that I still,
Love you all
