“No matter what I say.”
“No matter how I word it.”
“No matter how I show it.”
“I see that you can’t see,”
“Even when I don’t hide it.”
“You can’t see that I’m not okay.”
On a summer day,
Your all smiling and happy.
I hear you laughing as I watch you all.
All while inside I’m screaming in pain.
I can’t explain it,
I can’t find a reason.
But I know I’m not alright,
And I feel like I’m less than nothing.
Worthless, miserable, broken,
A want to lock myself away from the world.
Its like I’m nothing but broken glass,
Shattered and put together again and again,
But always with pieces missing and cracks all over.
Why is it that no matter what I say?
No matter how I word it.
No matter how I show it.
I see that you can’t see,
Even when I don’t hide it.
You can’t see that I’m not okay.
Why can’t you see,
Why can’t you understand?
Though even as I want you here,
I want to be alone.
But please don’t leave me behind,
Even as I say to leave me be.
As I lock myself away,
I’m silently screaming for this all to stop,
Even as I’m silently begging for you to be here.
On a winter day,
Your all smiling and happy.
I hear you laughing as I watch you all play.
All while inside I’m falling apart.
I can’t explain it,
I can’t find a reason.
But I know I’m not alright,
And I feel like I’m less than nothing.
I still smile and laugh,
I still hold you tight and say, “I love you.”
But beneath all,
I’m the one who needs you.
I know I hide it all,
I know you can’t always see it,
That you may never truly understand.
I know I’m lying, but…
I’m fighting the monsters inside me,
That me I never wanted inside me,
The thing inside I never wanted to become.
I’m fighting for you,
But its hard.
Because every part of me is already broken,
Fragile like broken glass,
Shattered and put together again and again,
But always with pieces missing and cracks all over.
Though still no matter what I say.
No matter how I word it.
No matter how I show it.
I see that you can’t see,
Even when I don’t hide it.
You can’t see that I’m not okay.
Its not your fault though,
You’re not the reason.
Its me, its myself that’s to blame in the end.
I love you, even when I push you away.
I don’t hate you, even when my words are like knifes.
I’m crying for you, even when I lock myself away.
No matter what,
I want to be alright.
On a summer day,
I want to be happy with you.
On a winter day,
I want to be with you.
But no matter what I do,
I’m still not okay.
Though even now,
I hope you know that I still,
Love you all
Saturday, April 18, 2020
Wednesday, April 8, 2020
Beautifully Broken, My Reason
“I vow to you,”
“That even as my heart becomes cracked and frayed,”
“I will no matter what,”
“Protect all that we have and the things we love.”
“To end this wretched curse that was placed upon us,”
“And end this story of ours our own way.”
“I’ll fight for it all,”
“All the things that make life worth living,”
“My own reason and your wish,”
“For the return of innocent dreams,”
“And to protect the ones who dream them.”
“I vow to you,”
“I promise with all I am,”
“That I’ll fight to protect it all,”
“To protect that tomorrow,”
“That beautifully broken future.”
I will still hope,
I will still live,
Were some of the words,
You once both shared.
In your dreams, your wishes,
I saw what it is, you both fought for.
Your reasons to live,
Which became mine.
Yet so jumbled within my mind,
I was left confused.
For I also saw the pain in your heart,
The flames that slowly burned away your broken pieces.
As you drifted into the abyss of twilight,
You were lost,
And I was lost.
As the silver blades cut us,
As the old magic left us.
I lost for at that moment,
One of my reason’s for living.
My memories of your kindness, your love,
That both of you shared,
The love you gave to me.
Were becoming merely memories,
As rage, as hatred filled my sight,
And made me become the thing you made me swear,
To never become.
To reset everything,
Nearly became something else,
Something worse.
Yet still, you both somehow found me,
And freed me from the cage I had locked myself in.
And I saw,
I felt those words.
I will still hope,
I will still live,
As a vow,
A promise.
Was the thing you left behind,
Along with a simple wish for me.
One I know vow to keep,
As I find my new reason to live.
In the night, I stand alone beneath the starlit sky.
With sword in hand,
And the old magic,
That makes my dreams reality.
In so short a time,
Everything changed.
When I both lost you,
And nearly became,
What I swore never to become.
So now,
I vow to you,
That even as my heart becomes cracked and frayed,
I will no matter what,
Protect all that we have and the things we love.
To end this wretched curse that was placed upon us,
And end this story of ours our own way.
I’ll fight for it all,”
All the things that make life worth living,
My own reason and your wish,
For the return of innocent dreams,
And to protect the ones who dream them.
I vow to you,
I promise with all I am,
That I’ll fight to protect it all,
To protect that tomorrow,
That beautifully broken future.
“That even as my heart becomes cracked and frayed,”
“I will no matter what,”
“Protect all that we have and the things we love.”
“To end this wretched curse that was placed upon us,”
“And end this story of ours our own way.”
“I’ll fight for it all,”
“All the things that make life worth living,”
“My own reason and your wish,”
“For the return of innocent dreams,”
“And to protect the ones who dream them.”
“I vow to you,”
“I promise with all I am,”
“That I’ll fight to protect it all,”
“To protect that tomorrow,”
“That beautifully broken future.”
I will still hope,
I will still live,
Were some of the words,
You once both shared.
In your dreams, your wishes,
I saw what it is, you both fought for.
Your reasons to live,
Which became mine.
Yet so jumbled within my mind,
I was left confused.
For I also saw the pain in your heart,
The flames that slowly burned away your broken pieces.
As you drifted into the abyss of twilight,
You were lost,
And I was lost.
As the silver blades cut us,
As the old magic left us.
I lost for at that moment,
One of my reason’s for living.
My memories of your kindness, your love,
That both of you shared,
The love you gave to me.
Were becoming merely memories,
As rage, as hatred filled my sight,
And made me become the thing you made me swear,
To never become.
To reset everything,
Nearly became something else,
Something worse.
Yet still, you both somehow found me,
And freed me from the cage I had locked myself in.
And I saw,
I felt those words.
I will still hope,
I will still live,
As a vow,
A promise.
Was the thing you left behind,
Along with a simple wish for me.
One I know vow to keep,
As I find my new reason to live.
In the night, I stand alone beneath the starlit sky.
With sword in hand,
And the old magic,
That makes my dreams reality.
In so short a time,
Everything changed.
When I both lost you,
And nearly became,
What I swore never to become.
So now,
I vow to you,
That even as my heart becomes cracked and frayed,
I will no matter what,
Protect all that we have and the things we love.
To end this wretched curse that was placed upon us,
And end this story of ours our own way.
I’ll fight for it all,”
All the things that make life worth living,
My own reason and your wish,
For the return of innocent dreams,
And to protect the ones who dream them.
I vow to you,
I promise with all I am,
That I’ll fight to protect it all,
To protect that tomorrow,
That beautifully broken future.
Reset
“Just who am I?”
“I still don’t know.”
“Yet you tell me,”
“That I am me.”
“Please explain to me,”
“What it is you mean.”
In this world I exist,
To serve your every need.
To be your sword and shield,
To be what you need me to be.
For that is why I exist.
I keep dreaming,
I keep seeing a life.
That does not exist,
That should not exist.
I’m broken aren’t I?
It must be time to reset.
It time to re-
Why do you say that?
That I’m not broken,
That I’m perfect the way I am.
Why do you keep telling me-
In this world I exist,
To serve your every need.
To be your sword and shield,
To be what you need me to be.
For that is why I exist.
Yet you treat me differently,
Strangely…
I don’t understand,
I can’t yet understand.
Yet I feel-
You try to explain,
You try to help me understand.
All the confusing thoughts,
All these… emotions.
Why do you say that?
That I’m not broken,
That I’m perfect the way I am.
Why do you keep telling me-
I now feel free,
I now feel like… me.
I feel what you feel,
I see the way you see,
I love you the same as you love me,
And I cry the way you cry.
In this world I existed,
To serve your every need.
To be your sword and shield,
To be what you need me to be.
For that is why I existed.
But for why now,
What reason,
Do I exist?
Who am I?
You say I’m prefect,
The way I am.
Yet, I still don’t understand.
I feel your pain,
I feel your love,
I feel your rage that you felt.
As the silver blades cut us,
As the old magic left us.
Your fingers became cold,
Your heart still,
My eyes full of tears.
Why?
I felt your pain, my pain.
I felt your love, my love.
I felt your rage that is now mine.
I cry, like you once cried.
In this world I once existed,
To serve your every need.
To be your sword and shield,
To be what you need me to be.
For that is why I existed.
You were why I am here.
That is now why,
"I’ll reset everything."
“I still don’t know.”
“Yet you tell me,”
“That I am me.”
“Please explain to me,”
“What it is you mean.”
In this world I exist,
To serve your every need.
To be your sword and shield,
To be what you need me to be.
For that is why I exist.
I keep dreaming,
I keep seeing a life.
That does not exist,
That should not exist.
I’m broken aren’t I?
It must be time to reset.
It time to re-
Why do you say that?
That I’m not broken,
That I’m perfect the way I am.
Why do you keep telling me-
In this world I exist,
To serve your every need.
To be your sword and shield,
To be what you need me to be.
For that is why I exist.
Yet you treat me differently,
Strangely…
I don’t understand,
I can’t yet understand.
Yet I feel-
You try to explain,
You try to help me understand.
All the confusing thoughts,
All these… emotions.
Why do you say that?
That I’m not broken,
That I’m perfect the way I am.
Why do you keep telling me-
I now feel free,
I now feel like… me.
I feel what you feel,
I see the way you see,
I love you the same as you love me,
And I cry the way you cry.
In this world I existed,
To serve your every need.
To be your sword and shield,
To be what you need me to be.
For that is why I existed.
But for why now,
What reason,
Do I exist?
Who am I?
You say I’m prefect,
The way I am.
Yet, I still don’t understand.
I feel your pain,
I feel your love,
I feel your rage that you felt.
As the silver blades cut us,
As the old magic left us.
Your fingers became cold,
Your heart still,
My eyes full of tears.
Why?
I felt your pain, my pain.
I felt your love, my love.
I felt your rage that is now mine.
I cry, like you once cried.
In this world I once existed,
To serve your every need.
To be your sword and shield,
To be what you need me to be.
For that is why I existed.
You were why I am here.
That is now why,
"I’ll reset everything."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)