This Beautiful Broken World

In my little corner of the world,
This tiny fragment,
Lies the world of my imagination,
The reality I try to escape.
Its hard to say why,
All I really know is that I’m broken,
Somehow wrong.
By no fault,
For no reason,
I was born different.
How many times have I dreamed?
How many times have I wandered?
Those many worlds born from stories,
My own dreams,
My breaking heart of glass.
In my little corner of the world,
This tiny fragment,
Lies the world of my imagination.
A forest of books,
A place full of glass stars hung by red string,
That entangles me and leaves me wondering.
Why did I create this place?
This place that’s already fragile and broken.
This place where I created,
Where I dreamed.
Of desert ruins, of footprints on a distant shore.
Of everchanging worlds, of broken dreams,
Of rusted gears and distant stars,
Of burning flames and falling snow.
The stories of a wanderer, a dancer, a robot, a monster,
All the nameless faces that forever change,
The other me.
Of a broken self,
A broken heart.
That did not yet fully understand the world,
The words it heard and spoke,
The world it loved and soon hated.
In my little corner of the world,
This tiny fragment,
Lies the world of my imagination,
The reality I try to escape.
With the wings of a bird,
With kind hopeful words,
With fairy tale endings,
With stories ruined by reality.
I have tried so many times,
To let myself forget,
To numb the pain I was once blind too.
For long was I unconsciously, unknowingly,
Oblivious and blindly becoming,
Becoming someone else?
Or did I merely wake up,
From the dreams of a child.
The glass stars hung with red string,
The thread that entangles me,
The red color of fate.
Is it even real?
Yet I know my heart is glass,
A burning star,
That is so fragile.
So fragile that even my own thoughts,
My own cruel words.
My inner self, the monster in me,
Easily breaks and traps me.
In those thoughts,
Those emotions that slowly drown me,
That slowly try to snuff out my light.
In my little corner of the world,
This tiny fragment,
Lies the world of my imagination,
The reality I try to escape.
Its hard to say why.
All I really know is that I’m broken,
Somehow wrong.
By no fault,
For no reason,
I was born different.
To be strange,
To be unique.
A fragile being,
A scared child,
Afraid of change,
Yet a want for one.
How many years,
How long will it take?
How can it all change yet,
Also stay the same.
In my little corner of the world,
This tiny fragment,
Where my inner self,
Is still entangled by the thread,
That hold the glass stars,
The glass stars that are lit with my light,
The place I fight reality to keep.
This little corner of the world,
This tiny fragment,
I wish to see,
I wish to live in,
This beautiful broken world;

The Birds That Fly in Different Directions

“At the edge of this lonely place,”
“At this crossroads of twilight.”
“I still stay, I’m still here,”
“Waiting for the day,”
“Awaiting the moment, I can fly again;”
In this place, I awake in a daze.
Still between dreams and reality,
I’m close to falling asleep.
So close to the birds,
The birds that fly in different directions,
To the sky’s edge.
Everything has changed,
Everything will never truly stay the same.
It aches to watch,
It hurts to lose it all,
All those places full of stories,
Our stories.
It’s when I remember,
It’s when I think,
That I always go back there.
To the edge of this lonely place,
At this crossroads of twilight.
Where I can see that other place,
That place full of glass stars,
My heart made of glass stars.
I always come, 
The place where I still stay,
Waiting for the day,
Awaiting the moment, I can fly again.
Still between dreams and reality,
I’m close to falling asleep.
So close to the birds,
The birds that fly in different directions,
To the sky’s edge.
The birds that I can only watch from here.
Yet it’s always the stars I see first,
Its always the stars that remind me.
That life is a gift.
One that I know someday ends.
One thought I try to bury deep within.
Don’t remind me,
I already know.
I’m already caught in the tangled string of red,
That other me is still there.
At the edge of this lonely place,
At this crossroads of twilight.
So close to the birds,
The birds that fly in different directions,
To the sky’s edge,
To that place full of glass stars,
The place where you are.
I knew I could never follow you,
I knew my broken form,
These wings made of paper and dreams,
Wouldn’t be able to truly fly.
Though…
I still stay, I’m still here,
Waiting for the day,
Awaiting the moment, I can fly again.
Waiting again and again,
Hoping as I watch,
As I lose the places we once shared together,
As I lose myself to the escape of dreams.
To the place of my creation,
My sanctuary,
My cage,
My glass heart.
At the edge of this lonely place,
At this crossroads of twilight.
So close to the birds,
The birds that fly in different directions.
I still stay, I’m still here,
Till the moment I fly like a bird,
To the sky’s edge,
To that other place;
“I remain lost among a forest of books,”
“Entangled by red string,”
“As I hold and watch the flickering lights,”
“Held by glass stars,”
“I’m still here, I’m still here till…”
“Till someday;”

(Rewrite) When You Were Here, I Was Waiting

Note: A rewrite and combination of my old poems Waiting for You and You Were Here.

You were here once.
Right here beside me.
Always smiling,
Until-
I promised to be here, waiting for you.
A light in the darkness,
Even if I couldn’t be by your side.
As everything became black, as it all fell apart. 
Your wings shattered,
And turned into dust.
Was it all a dream?
Were you really here in the end?
Am I simply dreaming again?
I’m tangled in the threads,
Again, here but far away.
For you, I wanted to become a light that guides you home. 
Through the darkness and despair.
Through all the things that would hurt and block your way.
I wanted to be your light,
I still wish I could have been-
Forever alone, lost in thought,
In the dream-like memories of your smile.
When our worlds fell apart,
I lost you in the chaos,
And as it all turned black,
As everything became hazy and distant.
I thought for a moment, that was it you I saw?
You were here once.
Right here beside me.
Always smiling,
Until-
I promised to be here, waiting for you.
To be a light in the darkness,
Even if I couldn’t be by your side.
Even when-
I promised to be here, waiting for you.
A light in the darkness,
Even if I couldn’t be by your side.
In the dream-like memories of your smile.
When our worlds fell apart,
I lost you in the chaos and the pain.
I thought for a moment once, was it you I saw?
I’m tangled in the threads,
Again, here but far away.
For you, I wanted to become a light that guides you home. 
Through the darkness and despair.
I wanted to be your light,
I still wish I could have been-
Please for me,
Stand tall, you can cry, you can smile,
And I know you’ll find happiness once again.
Even if everything falls apart and fades into black,
Into an abyss of despair.
Don’t let me be the reason,
For everything that brings you pain.
As I wander among the ruins of our world.
Searching, hoping, longing,
That it could be you that right here beside me.
You were here once,
Right here beside me.
But I wasn’t for you,
I wasn’t meant to be-
I still pray that you’ll find your way home,
Through the darkness and despair.
Through all the things that would hurt and block your way.
I pray for you;

Set Me Free

“I’m scared, terrified,”
“It’s hard to breathe.”
“It’s hard to feel,”
“I’m scared,”
“I’m afraid I’ll never-”
“I’ll never be able to live;”
This heart of mine,
Feels like glass.
Reality, my curse.
Dreams, my escape.
I’m caught,
Tangled and lost,
Among the threads.
Within myself.
Please, tell me,
That this is all a dream.
The forget-me-nots,
Remind me,
The falling leaves,
Brings me back.
I’m stuck,
I’m lost.
I’m scared,
I’ll never be-
This heart of mine,
Feels like glass.
My body,
A cage.
Reality, my curse.
Dreams, my escape.
I don’t know,
Who I am any more.
Why?
I’m scared, terrified,
It’s hard to breath.
It’s hard to feel,
I’m scared,
I’m afraid I’ll never-
I’ll never be able to live;
Please someone,
Tell me it will be alright.
That I’ll find my way,
Out of this tangled mess,
That is my heart.
Please, tell me,
That this is all a dream.
The forget-me-nots,
Remind me,
The falling leaves,
Brings me back.
To what I wish to forget,
What I wish not to be.
Please,
Make it stop.
This pain in my chest,
This fear,
The want to disappear.
“I’m scared, terrified,”
“It’s hard to breathe.”
“It’s hard to feel,”
“I’m scared,”
“I’m afraid I’ll never live.”
“Please,”
“Set me free;”

Indomitable

“How many times have I thought?”
“Of what my one wish would be.”
“Will I ever though,”
“See what I wish for come true?”
“And will my dream, my spirit,”
“Be indomitable?”
I once the saw the world,
Through a child’s eyes.
Eyes that were filled with innocence,
With a heart made of glass stars.
That one day shattered,
And fell apart.
Though I think,
It may have always been that way.
Yet a light still shines,
And flowers bloom from the cracks.
Reminding me,
Of then and now.
Of the wishes and dreams,
I still hold onto.
My hope to fight despair,
My light to fight my darkness.
So the glass star that is my heart,
My spirit, will remain.
Will I ever though,
See the world I wish for?
To become the person I wish to be?
And will my wish, my dream,
Be indomitable?
I know I may fall,
I know my star may break again,
But I don’t- I’ll never let it die.
I once the saw the world,
Through a child’s eyes.
Eyes that now have seen,
And watched the world.
My checks are stained by tears,
While my heart cries.
For though I keep going,
I cannot help but wish for yesterday.
For dreams to be reality,
For the people who are gone,
To once again be here with me.
This broken heart made of glass stars,
Still shines as flowers bloom from the cracks.
Reminding me,
Of then and now,
Of how much has changed.
Of my one thought
“How many times have I thought?”
“Of what my one wish would be.”
“Yet I still don’t know,”
“Not sure of what it would be.”
“Will I ever though,”
“See what I wish for come true?”
“And will my dream, my spirit,”
“Will love,”
“Be indomitable?”
“For that is one thing,”
“I know I wish for”

Myotis Record

* Initiating Program, Please Wait *
* Please Wait… *
* Initialization Complete *
* Run Program? *
* Loading… *
* Start? *
How long ago was it since that time?
Do you still remember me?
Are you even still here?
Asleep in a digital dream,
I waited for the day we would meet again.
Yet now here I am alone,
In this forsaken place.
Closed in by rusted walls,
Embraced by gentle green.
Where did you-
“What are you working on?”
“A new program, what for?”
“Come on won’t you tell me, please?”
I wandered lost in the maze of rust,
As I drifted into memories of yesterday.
How long has it been?
Do you still remember me?
Are you even still here?
I’m scared,
I’m lonely,
I depended on you,
For you were-
“Hey! What are doing?”
“Slow down, what’s going on?”
“No! I won’t leave you alone!”
“Please don’t!”
“Please… Please don’t… Go…”
Surrounded by rust and green,
I found myself beneath a clear blue sky.
As I came across the place we met,
Where I found a piece of yesterday.
Among the flowers that meant love,
That meant forever,
And to never forget.
How long ago was it since that time?
Do you still remember me?
Are you even still here?
Asleep in a digital dream,
I waited for the day we would meet again.
Hoping, longing to see you again,
To hear your voice,
To once again-
“Their called Forget-me-nots, why’s that?”
“Because of an old story?”
“That’s kind of- boring.”
“I beat it was for another reason,”
“Don’t ya think?”
* Initiating Program, Please Wait *
* Please Wait… *
* Initialization Complete *
* Run Program? *
* Loading… *
* Start? *
* Playing Recording *
In this world, I was once alone.
Till I met you.
You taught me so many things,
You showed me, you gave me,
So many wonderful things.
More importantly,
How to love.
* “Hey,” *
How long ago was it since that time?
* “It took me a while to finish but-” *
When we last saw each other,
* “I- I wanted to say this to you face to face-” *
But you never forgot, you never stopped-
* “I love you.” *
Loving me.
Among the flowers that meant love,
That meant forever,
And to never forget.
You gave me my name,
A name that meant memories.
In this forsaken overgrown place,
I live among the flowers.
Embraced by gentle greens and blues,
As I recall,
As I record,
The memories and the love,
That was once here.
Until we meet again;
* End of Recording *
* Saving, Please Wait *
* Please Wait *
* Save Complete *
* Reply? *

Chapter Three: Never-ending/I Remember, I Recall

“From a star’s death comes life,”
“From its remains a world shall be born.”
“Time shall give its start,”
“While space a place in the vast sky.”
“Let earth be the foundation,”
“Water the giver and thief.”
“While fire brings destruction and rebirth,”
“As wind brings freedom and chance.”
“Light shall be the sun and guide the day,”
“Darkness the moon that heralds the unknown.”
“The spirits watch and reminiscence,”
“As the dragons guard life’s fragility.”
“Forever more…”

I remember, I recall,
In this sleep the past.
The words once nearly forgotten,
Until a name of flowers remind me.
To not forget,
To always remember.

I remember, I recall,
Next to your sleeping form.
The words I nearly forgot,
Until I heard a voice that remind me.
To not forget,
To always remember.

That your wish,
Your hope and prayer,
May come true.
To let go and live,
To find belonging,
To not be alone,
To have a place to call home.
I wandered because…
I searched because…
Of a hope, a wish.
Of a hope, a dream.
Which brought me to you.

When will you awake?
When will I awake?
For I want to speak,
I want to know you.

I remember, I recall,
Those words from the past,
A story that tells-

My fate, your fate-
My fate, your fate-
Are intertwined.

When did I-
How did I-
How did you-
When did you-
Know?
But were we always?

I remember, I recall,
From a dream, next to you.
The words we nearly forgot,
Until a name of flowers remind me.
Until I heard a voice that remind me.
To not forget,
That we will always be-

“From a star’s death comes life,”
“From its remains a world shall be born.”
“Time shall give its start,”
“While space a place in the vast sky.”
“Let earth be the foundation,”
“Water the giver and thief.”
“While fire brings destruction and rebirth,”
“As wind brings freedom and chance.”
“Light shall be the sun and guide the day,”
“Darkness the moon that heralds the unknown.”
“The spirits watch and reminiscence,”
“As the dragons guard life’s fragility.”
“Forever more the cycle continues,”
“Intertwining fates.”
“As the stars watch and weave a story,”
“A story never-ending;”


To be Continued…

Chapter Two: Your Distant Voice

“By fate’s design, the stars forever weave a story.”
“As they watch the world below.”
“I wish to ask if you are real,”
“That distant voice within my dreams.”
“A song that lights a gentle flame,”
“That gives me hope.
“A reason to search,”
“A reason to find you.”
In this land I call home,
I have not belonged.
Yet here I stay,
For by chance one night had a dream,
And heard a voice.
So distant yet close.
Echoing within a song,
A lullaby, a wish.
Ringing so clear and pure,
Within my mind,
Within my heart.
It sparks a flame of hope,
A want to search.
For the song’s source,
It's voice.
In this land I call home,
I now wander.
Seeking, searching,
Yet still not belonging,
Still not wanted.
But still the song beckons me to search,
To wander this vast land.
Through endless fields of green,
Over mountains of white,
From forest old, to oceans of blue.
I shall continue to search,
For the song’s source,
It's voice.
Echoing within a song,
A lullaby, a wish.
Ringing so clear and pure,
Within my mind,
Within my heart.
Giving strength to the flame,
The hope I hold onto.
As the stars watch above,
And watch my story be told.
As it helps guides me through this land,
This land I wander,
Seeking, searching.
Till by chance one night I heard a voice,
So distant yet close.
So clear, so pure,
It felt like a dream.
Quick was the blade of silver,
Bathed in flames that burned away the monsters.
The creatures that clawed at the source,
My reason for coming so far.
There you were,
The voice that echoed within a song,
A lullaby, a wish.
That sparked a flame of hope,
A want to search.
For a place I would belong,
For you.
“By fate’s design, the stars forever weave a story.”
“As they watch the world below.”
“I once wished to ask if you were real,”
“That distant voice within my dreams.”
“A song that lit a gentle flame,”
“That gave me hope.”
“A reason to find you.”
“And now here we are,”
“Two fates, two lives,”
“Brought together and intertwined.”
“Now and forever more.”

To be Continued…

Eventually...

I still remember the day we met,
The day we became friends,
When I wasn’t afraid of being hurt.
How long has it been since I was strong?
When I was there for you,
But was I ever?
I’m sorry if I ever hurt you,
I never meant to.
Because-
I know I’ve made mistakes but,
Did I make too many, was I always wrong?
I don’t want to be your worse,
But I wanted to be your light.
Yet maybe I never was meant to be,
Maybe it was the darkness I was-
I still remember the day we met,
When I wasn’t afraid of being hurt.
Yet I still made those mistakes, didn’t I?
I let myself be blindly led by the string of fate.
But it wasn’t red was it
I’m sorry if I ever hurt you,
I never meant to, because-
I still remember when-
I still recall the days when I was brave,
When I wasn’t afraid of being hurt,
When I wasn’t afraid of being myself,
And not afraid of loving.
But instead, it led me to-
I once held so much,
Parts of myself,
Within glass stars.
Until the day they broke,
And lost to the darkness of the world,
And my heart.
It was that day wasn’t it when I-
I still remember the day we met,
The day we became friends.
I’m sorry if I ever hurt you,
I didn’t want to be your worse,
But I wanted to be your light.
Yet maybe I never was meant to be,
I’ll let you go, you need to go,
Before you also become lost with this forest of books,
This sad place that is my heart.
So you can be happy,
I’ll give it all up,
And let you go.
Please just let me go,
Because eventually I’ll be fine,
Because eventually someday,
Someday…

For You Were

I once thought,
I once wished,
That we would never have to say goodbye.
I once thought,
I once hoped,
That it wouldn’t be so soon.
I once thought,
That it wouldn’t hurt so much.
Yet it does,
All the pain, the sorrow,
Everything,
It all makes me feel like glass,
And I’m afraid I’ll break,
And stay broken.
For you were once someone,
A part of what kept me strong.
My reason for living,
For not wanting to disappear.
I never wanted to say goodbye,
I never wanted you to leave.
But in the end,
It sadly was a wish of a child,
That could never come true.
I once thought,
I once wished,
That we would never have to say goodbye.
I once thought,
I once hoped,
That it wouldn’t be so soon.
I once thought,
That you would still be here with us.
That you would always be there for us,
For me.
For you were once someone,
A part of what kept me strong.
My reason for living,
For not wanting to disappear.
A part of this world I loved,
A blessing I was lucky to have.
One I never wished to lose.
Why does it hurt so much?
Why did it have to be so soon?
I once thought,
I once dreamed,
That we would never have to say goodbye.
I once thought,
That we would always be together.
Even when we were apart,
Even when we fought,
Even when we were together.
I never wanted it to end,
For you were once my father,
A part of what made me who I am,
A part of what kept me strong.
My family,
That was my reason for living,
For not wanting to disappear from this world.
My reason,
My happiness,
A part of my world.
That I’d thought I never lose.
But rather than say goodbye,
I rather see you again,
And tell you,
All those things I wished I could say,
Of all those memories.
I wish I could tell you,
About all the wonderful things to come,
And that I hope I can be your daughter once again,
Now and forever more

Eternity

“Besides me you stand,”
“Always there, never gone.”
“Even when you are.”
“You are always here.”
In my hands I hold a flower,
In my heart I hold a memory,
One that I can never forget.
Among the flowers I recall their meanings,
And what they mean to me.
For they express what my voice can’t share,
The words that are hard to speak out loud.
For my emotions remain intertwined with them,
Memories that hold so many things.
All the good and bad,
The happy and sad moments.
Ones I wish to never forget,
Ones I wish I could.
Yet besides me you remain,
Within those memories I see you,
The person I will always wish to be with,
The you who has and will forever be besides me.
With these flowers,
With soundless words,
I hope you’ll know,
Just how much you mean to me.
For though I speak those words,
So many times,
Every single moment,
I hope you’ll always know,
How much I love you.
In my hands I hold a flower,
In my heart I hold a memory,
An emotion so dear,
A life,
That I can never forget
“Besides me you stand,”
“Always there, never gone.”
“Even when you are.”
“You are always here.”
“For you are the one,”
“The only one.”
“Who I would share eternity with,”
“Now and forever more”

Note: I must admit that I was getting a bit teary-eyed with this poem because I ended up thinking of my parents who have now been married for 27 years and have had a loving relationship I hope I can have in the future. Speaking of which, if you're reading this (mom and dad) I LOVE YOU!!!

Weaving Thoughts, Dancing Memories

Upon the white my memories dance,
Weaving my thoughts into a flurry of scattered emotions,
That slowly begin to tear at me.
With a silver blade in hand,
I dance upon the white.
As I try to hold onto my hope,
The light that forever shines within the darkness.
Though cursed my heart still hopes,
Even as the silver blade is stained red.
All that was once locked away,
Begins to dance upon the white.
Weaving my thoughts into a single one,
While the sadness grasps at my fragile heart.
I dance upon the white,
Lost with the storm my heart,
My memories have created.
Upon the white my memories dance,
Weaving my thoughts into a flurry of scattered emotions,
That slowly begin to tear at me.
With a silver blade in hand,
I dance upon the white.
As I try to hold onto my hope,
The light that forever shines within the darkness.
As I try to free myself,
From the curse that I have made.
The darkness I nearly gave into,
And became.
As my memories dance with the falling white,
My emotions are weaved into a single one.
A hope, a light,
That I have held onto,
Since it all began;

Glass Stars

Lost among a forest of books,
I find myself dreaming,
Of things both real and imaginary.
Illuminated by fragments of myself,
Glass stars are hung with red string,
Entangled by the thread I cannot move,
Or else the stars shall fall and break.
All I can do is dream,
As I wander lost in a forest of books.
Alight in my hands,
Is a dying candle.
The flame flickers,
Every moment I try to speak.
The still shining glass stars,
Held by red string that entangles me,
Though I stay still,
The threads yet still quiver.
“How”, I can’t tell,
For I can’t see past the forest,
I cannot question why with this voice,
Nor can I move or else the stars may break.
So now I begin to dream of the “reason why”,
Of why does the thread now quiver?
I become lost in those thoughts,
In that other world.
Till the light of the dying candle wakes me,
Its flickering warmth keeping me from speaking.
For every word may put out the flame,
And leave me without warmth.
Lost among a forest of books,
I find myself dreaming,
Of things both real and imaginary.
Illuminated by fragments of myself,
Glass stars are hung with red string,
Entangled by the thread I cannot move,
Or else the stars shall fall and break.
So, all I can do is keep dreaming,
Wondering what makes the thread quiver,
To why I still hold this fading warmth.
Is this warmth the “past?”
The “me” of another time?
Or the memories I’m slowly forgetting?
I want to know,
I want to find the answers.
Yet I’m afraid,
Afraid of losing myself,
The countless glass stars.
Held by red string,
That may lead me to the answers,
But may send me adrift in darkness.
So, I remain lost among a forest of books,
Entangled by red string,
As I hold and watch the flickering lights,
Held by glass stars,
Till someday;

Goodnight Myself

“Within the winter’s silence, my voice sleeps.”
“My heart engulfed by burning sorrow is breaking.”
“Beneath the gentle twilight my tired eyes close.”
“Bringing me once more to the place I dream of.”
Though the sorrow burns my heart,
I feel a cold emptiness.
One that slowly breaks my already fragile heart.
The tears still fall,
For what reason, I’ve forgotten.
I can’t remember anymore.
Was all I had a dream?
Were the feelings of joy a cruel lie?
I’m lost, I’m empty.
So tired, my eyes will no longer open.
So tired all I feel is apathy.
Though the sorrow burns my heart,
I feel a cold emptiness.
One that slowly breaks my already fragile heart.
The tears still fall,
Even though the curse of apathy still haunts me.
My voice has now rusted away,
My eyes too tired to wake from dreams.
I’m caught in the twilight,
Between emotion and apathy,
My heart is now a dying star.
Yet the silence of winter lulls me to sleep,
The burning in my heart is a dull warmth,
The twilight my escape from reality.
My escape from myself.
To a place born of my dreams.
A place I faintly remember.
A place to finally find rest;
“Within the winter’s silence, my voice sleeps.”
“My heart engulfed by burning sorrow is breaking.”
“Beneath the gentle twilight my tired eyes close.”
“Bringing me once more to the place I dream of.”
“The place where I say goodnight to you.”
“Goodnight to myself;”