Hiraeth

I’m here,

I’m still here.

After the last chapter,

After I read the final words,

After the movie ends.

I feel bittersweet joy,

A longing I can’t explain.

In a world not mine own,

I saw things I never saw before,

I found new things,

I met people not real,

I experienced a life not mine own.

It was my escape,

It has been my escape,

It has been my wings,

It has set me free.

I’m here,

I’m still here.

Even after the chapters end,

Even after the goodbye,

I’m still here to live.

I have never touched the sky,

I have never fell in love,

Yet I have,

Yet I have touched the sky,

And fell in love within another world.

With the dreams, the stories,

That keep my broken heart together.

Tell me a story,

Show me a story,

Give me a story to tell.

For what else can I do,

For I’m here on the sidelines,

I can’t do what you do with my own hands,

But in my dreams, in another world,

I am free, I am a shining star in the sky.

Even after losing those I called friends,

Even after losing someone dear,

Family…

I’m here,

I’m still here.

After the last chapter,

After I read the final words,

After the movie ends.

Even after the stories end,

Even after the goodbye,

I’m still here to live.

To laugh and cry,

To feel joy and pain,

To dream and hope,

To hate and give up,

To win and lose,

To love and grieve,

To do it all again and again,

To write the chapters,

Of the story I’ll leave behind.

I’m here,

I’m still here.

Even as one story ends,

Even after your gone.

I’m still here to live,

Until the last chapter,

Until I close the book.

I’m here,

I’m still here.

After the last chapter,

After I read the final words,

After the movie ends.

I feel bittersweet joy,

A longing I can’t explain.

For things I can’t explain,

For something I can’t touch or sense,

For its there yet not.

It was here before you left,

Its still here now.

I’m still here,

To write the story,

To live…

I’m still here;

Before the End

“You once told me stories.”
“Of fairy tales, folktales, and legends.”
“Stories of heroes who defeat the forces of evil.”
“Of a prince rescuing the princess.”
“Of a girl who tamed a beast and lived.”
“Of the sad reality of this world.”
“The things I wanted to forget.”
“And the things I wanted to become.”
All alone beneath the night sky,
I stand before our childhood sanctuary,
A place safe and hidden from the cruel world.
Here now I stand,
As I pray to god above.
For a world where you can all be happy,
A world that could only come true in fairy tales,
In the stories we once loved.
I live now in those stories,
Of heroes and villains.
I live the true reality,
That was hidden by honeyed lies.
Why did I put my hope in fairy tales?
Stories full of only dreams, hope, and gentle lies.
For they are why I follow this path,
They are why I begged god to let me become a hero,
To follow the innocent dream of a child.
So with sword in hand and with hope in my flawed heart,
I blindly joined a war I wasn’t ready for.
Is my suffering,
Is this pain and regret I feel,
A price I must pay for my past mistakes?
Deep in an ancient forest,
All alone beneath the night sky,
I stand before our hidden haven,
Hoping, praying, wishing,
Begging to god,
To save this flawed yet beautiful world,
This world that you live in.
That wish I made, that dream I held on to,
Was born of a child, a lonely and sad girl,
Who wanted nothing more than to protect those she held dear.
Here now I stand,
As I pray to god above,
For a world where you can all be happy.
You once told me stories.
Of fairy tales, folktales, and legends.
Stories of heroes who defeat the forces of evil.
Of a prince rescuing the princess.
Of a girl who tamed a beast and lived.
Of the sad reality of this world.
The things I wanted to forget.
And the things I wanted to become.
I don’t want to forget those bittersweet memories,
I want to hear your voice again,
To see your smiling face again,
Just once more…
Alone I stand before childhood home,
Our sanctuary, our safe haven from the world,
Hidden away deep in a forest,
Where only forgotten live.
Here now I stand,
As I pray to god above.
For a world where you can all be happy,
A world that could only come true in fairy tales,
In the stories we once loved.
I now live those stories,
As I tear away the honeyed lies,
Burn away the false hopes and gentle lies,
All so I can keep my promise,
Our dream alive.
Just how long has it been since that day?
How long ago was it that we promised,
That we begged god to let us follow this once hopeful path.
The dreams and hopes born from the innocent hearts of two lonely children.
For you, I left with sword in hand and hope in my broken heart,
I foolishly joined a war I wasn’t ready for.
Please forgive me, please forgive this foolish girl.
Is this pain and regret I feel,
A price I must pay for my past mistakes,
For all those sins I have and will make?
All alone beneath the night sky,
I stand before our childhood sanctuary,
A place safe and hidden from the cruel world.
Here now I stand,
As I pray to god above.
For a world where you can all be happy,
A world that could only come true in fairy tales.
You once told me stories.
Of fairy tales, folktales, and legends.
Stories of heroes who defeat the forces of evil.
Of a prince rescuing the princess.
Of a girl who tamed a beast and lived.
Of the sad reality of this world.
The things I wanted to forget.
And the things I wanted to become.
I don’t want to forget those bittersweet memories,
I want to hear your voice again,
To see your smiling face again,
Just once more…
Why did I put my hope in fairy tales?
Stories full of only dreams, hope, and gentle lies.
For they are why I follow this path,
They are why I begged god to let me become a hero,
To follow the innocent dream of a child.
All I wanted was to be by your side,
To protect this beautiful broken world.
To protect you…
Please forgive me, god I beg you.
Tell me why I must suffer alone,
For why I couldn’t protect him in the end.
I this the price I must pay for my past mistakes?
Deep in an ancient forest,
All alone beneath the night sky,
I stand before our childhood sanctuary,
A place safe and hidden from the cruel world.
Here now I stand,
As I pray and beg to god above.
For a world where you could have been happy,
For a better world, a place where our dream came true.
For your soul to be able to gentle pass on,
For my memories of you to endure within my scared heart.
You once told me stories.
Of fairy tales, folktales, and legends.
Stories of heroes who defeat the forces of evil.
Of a prince rescuing the princess.
Of a girl who tamed a beast and lived.
Of the sad reality of this world.
The things I wanted to forget.
And the things I wanted to become.
You told me them to set my free,
To give me hope,
To give me a memory.
I don’t want to forget them,
To not forget you.
Hoping, praying, wishing,
Begging god,
To let me once more hear your voice again,
To see your smiling face again,
Just once more…
Just once more before…
Here I now stand,
Living the last story,
The last dream you gave me,
This story of our own making.
Yet like all stories it must now end,
So here I stand,
Here I beg god for one thing.
To not let this beautiful sad story to not be lost,
To not be lost or erased.
In the stories you once told me,
I now leave my final words,
My final dream, my final hope,
My final prayer before the end;

Forget-me-not

Forget-me-nots surround me,
While stinging Nettles,
The cursed Nightshade,
Beg me to sleep.
All I hold are Forget-me-nots,
Nothing else.
Only thoughts and silent prayers are left to give.
Along with fragile dreams,
A world within my mind.
Broken glass,
Lies all over,
Tangled in red string,
That holds up glass stars.
The books…
The flowers…
A single candle flame…
Are they even real?
Scattered paper,
Fragments of a record,
Stained with tears and pencil led.
The only clues to thoughts, to memories,
I was so close to losing.
Forget-me-nots surround me,
While stinging Nettles,
The cursed Nightshade,
Beg me to sleep.
The glass shards,
Appear cold and sharp like knifes of ice.
The candle with a single flame,
Feels so warm, so hot.
All I hold are Forget-me-nots,
A single candle,
With hands tied by red string,
Nothing else, no one else.
Only thoughts and silent prayers are left to give.
Along with fragile dreams,
A world within my mind.
A dream, a dream,
An escape, an escape,
My freedom, my cage,
My own little world.
Broken glass,
Lies all over,
Tangled in red string,
That holds up glass stars,
My glass star heart.
The books…
The flowers…
The starlit sky…
A single candle flame…
A silent prayer…
Are they even real?
Scattered paper,
Fragments of a record,
Blooming Forget-me-nots,
Stained with tears and pencil led.
The only clues to thoughts, to memories,
Far away emotions,
I was close to losing.
I’m forgetting,
I’m remembering.
I’m losing,
I’m gaining-
The last sparks of light,
Of gentle fragile light,
That burns like starlight.
Its bittersweet,
Its lonely,
In this place,
Only silence,
As I weave together the pieces,
The fragments of-
All I hold are Forget-me-nots,
A single candle,
With hands tied by red string,
Nothing else, no one else.
Only thoughts and silent prayers are left to give.
Along with fragile dreams,
A world within my mind.
It’s all changing,
The birds are flying away,
The past is the past forever.
Yet will love,
Be indomitable?
For that is one thing,
I know I wish for.
How long have I silently been begging,
Quietly whispering a wordless prayer.
My glass star heart…
The books…
The flowers…
The starlit sky…
A single candle flame…
A silent prayer…
Are they even real?
Scattered paper,
Fragments of a record,
Blooming Forget-me-nots,
Stained with tears and pencil led,
Bits of red from cuts made by Thorns.
The only clues to thoughts, to memories,
Far away emotions,
All I hold so dearly to my broken soul,
My glass heart,
That I was close to losing,
That life is trying to take from me.
All I hold are Forget-me-nots,
A single candle,
With hands tied by red string,
What else is there to give?
What else can I dream?
What else can I see?
Forget-me-nots surround me,
While stinging Nettles,
The cursed Nightshade,
Beg me to sleep.
But Ivy and Holly,
Hold me back.
Fire burns away,
To ash they slowly become.
As in their place grows Hawthorn and Yew.
Forget-me-nots all over,
Broken glass still lies scattered,
Among a forest of books,
With glass stars and red string,
My glass star heart.
Are they even real?
Will love,
Be indomitable?
Will my silent prayers,
Be answered?
Will I always remember?
This inner world,
This other place.
That other me,
Are they even real?
Forget-me-nots surround me,
As I forever silently weave,
Quietly existing in my little world,
Embraced by the Forget-me-nots;