Wednesday, November 25, 2020

Hiraeth

I’m here,
I’m still here.
After the last chapter,
After I read the final words,
After the movie ends.
I feel bittersweet joy,
A longing I can’t explain.
In a world not mine own,
I saw things I never saw before,
I found new things,
I met people not real,
I experienced a life not mine own.
It was my escape,
It has been my escape,
It has been my wings,
It has set me free.
I’m here,
I’m still here.
Even after the chapters end,
Even after the goodbye,
I’m still here to live.
I have never touched the sky,
I have never fell in love,
Yet I have,
Yet I have touched the sky,
And fell in love within another world.
With the dreams, the stories,
That keep my broken heart together.
Tell me a story,
Show me a story,
Give me a story to tell.
For what else can I do,
For I’m here on the sidelines,
I can’t do what you do with my own hands,
But in my dreams, in another world,
I am free, I am a shining star in the sky.
Even after losing those I called friends,
Even after losing someone dear,
Family…
I’m here,
I’m still here.
After the last chapter,
After I read the final words,
After the movie ends.
Even after the stories end,
Even after the goodbye,
I’m still here to live.
To laugh and cry,
To feel joy and pain,
To dream and hope,
To hate and give up,
To win and lose,
To love and grieve,
To do it all again and again,
To write the chapters,
Of the story I’ll leave behind.
I’m here,
I’m still here.
Even as one story ends,
Even after your gone.
I’m still here to live,
Until the last chapter,
Until I close the book.
I’m here,
I’m still here.
After the last chapter,
After I read the final words,
After the movie ends.
I feel bittersweet joy,
A longing I can’t explain.
For things I can’t explain,
For something I can’t touch or sense,
For its there yet not.
It was here before you left,
Its still here now.
I’m still here,
To write the story,
To live…
I’m still here;

Friday, November 20, 2020

Before the End

“You once told me stories.”
“Of fairy tales, folktales, and legends.”
“Stories of heroes who defeat the forces of evil.”
“Of a prince rescuing the princess.”
“Of a girl who tamed a beast and lived.”
“Of the sad reality of this world.”
“The things I wanted to forget.”
“And the things I wanted to become.”
All alone beneath the night sky,
I stand before our childhood sanctuary,
A place safe and hidden from the cruel world.
Here now I stand,
As I pray to god above.
For a world where you can all be happy,
A world that could only come true in fairy tales,
In the stories we once loved.
I live now in those stories,
Of heroes and villains.
I live the true reality,
That was hidden by honeyed lies.
Why did I put my hope in fairy tales?
Stories full of only dreams, hope, and gentle lies.
For they are why I follow this path,
They are why I begged god to let me become a hero,
To follow the innocent dream of a child.
So with sword in hand and with hope in my flawed heart,
I blindly joined a war I wasn’t ready for.
Is my suffering,
Is this pain and regret I feel,
A price I must pay for my past mistakes?
Deep in an ancient forest,
All alone beneath the night sky,
I stand before our hidden haven,
Hoping, praying, wishing,
Begging to god,
To save this flawed yet beautiful world,
This world that you live in.
That wish I made, that dream I held on to,
Was born of a child, a lonely and sad girl,
Who wanted nothing more than to protect those she held dear.
Here now I stand,
As I pray to god above,
For a world where you can all be happy.
You once told me stories.
Of fairy tales, folktales, and legends.
Stories of heroes who defeat the forces of evil.
Of a prince rescuing the princess.
Of a girl who tamed a beast and lived.
Of the sad reality of this world.
The things I wanted to forget.
And the things I wanted to become.
I don’t want to forget those bittersweet memories,
I want to hear your voice again,
To see your smiling face again,
Just once more…
Alone I stand before childhood home,
Our sanctuary, our safe haven from the world,
Hidden away deep in a forest,
Where only forgotten live.
Here now I stand,
As I pray to god above.
For a world where you can all be happy,
A world that could only come true in fairy tales,
In the stories we once loved.
I now live those stories,
As I tear away the honeyed lies,
Burn away the false hopes and gentle lies,
All so I can keep my promise,
Our dream alive.
Just how long has it been since that day?
How long ago was it that we promised,
That we begged god to let us follow this once hopeful path.
The dreams and hopes born from the innocent hearts of two lonely children.
For you, I left with sword in hand and hope in my broken heart,
I foolishly joined a war I wasn’t ready for.
Please forgive me, please forgive this foolish girl.
Is this pain and regret I feel,
A price I must pay for my past mistakes,
For all those sins I have and will make?
All alone beneath the night sky,
I stand before our childhood sanctuary,
A place safe and hidden from the cruel world.
Here now I stand,
As I pray to god above.
For a world where you can all be happy,
A world that could only come true in fairy tales.
You once told me stories.
Of fairy tales, folktales, and legends.
Stories of heroes who defeat the forces of evil.
Of a prince rescuing the princess.
Of a girl who tamed a beast and lived.
Of the sad reality of this world.
The things I wanted to forget.
And the things I wanted to become.
I don’t want to forget those bittersweet memories,
I want to hear your voice again,
To see your smiling face again,
Just once more…
Why did I put my hope in fairy tales?
Stories full of only dreams, hope, and gentle lies.
For they are why I follow this path,
They are why I begged god to let me become a hero,
To follow the innocent dream of a child.
All I wanted was to be by your side,
To protect this beautiful broken world.
To protect you…
Please forgive me, god I beg you.
Tell me why I must suffer alone,
For why I couldn’t protect him in the end.
I this the price I must pay for my past mistakes?
Deep in an ancient forest,
All alone beneath the night sky,
I stand before our childhood sanctuary,
A place safe and hidden from the cruel world.
Here now I stand,
As I pray and beg to god above.
For a world where you could have been happy,
For a better world, a place where our dream came true.
For your soul to be able to gentle pass on,
For my memories of you to endure within my scared heart.
You once told me stories.
Of fairy tales, folktales, and legends.
Stories of heroes who defeat the forces of evil.
Of a prince rescuing the princess.
Of a girl who tamed a beast and lived.
Of the sad reality of this world.
The things I wanted to forget.
And the things I wanted to become.
You told me them to set my free,
To give me hope,
To give me a memory.
I don’t want to forget them,
To not forget you.
Hoping, praying, wishing,
Begging god,
To let me once more hear your voice again,
To see your smiling face again,
Just once more…
Just once more before…
Here I now stand,
Living the last story,
The last dream you gave me,
This story of our own making.
Yet like all stories it must now end,
So here I stand,
Here I beg god for one thing.
To not let this beautiful sad story to not be lost,
To not be lost or erased.
In the stories you once told me,
I now leave my final words,
My final dream, my final hope,
My final prayer before the end;

Saturday, November 7, 2020

Forget-me-not

Forget-me-nots surround me,
While stinging Nettles,
The cursed Nightshade,
Beg me to sleep.
All I hold are Forget-me-nots,
Nothing else.
Only thoughts and silent prayers are left to give.
Along with fragile dreams,
A world within my mind.
Broken glass,
Lies all over,
Tangled in red string,
That holds up glass stars.
The books…
The flowers…
A single candle flame…
Are they even real?
Scattered paper,
Fragments of a record,
Stained with tears and pencil led.
The only clues to thoughts, to memories,
I was so close to losing.
Forget-me-nots surround me,
While stinging Nettles,
The cursed Nightshade,
Beg me to sleep.
The glass shards,
Appear cold and sharp like knifes of ice.
The candle with a single flame,
Feels so warm, so hot.
All I hold are Forget-me-nots,
A single candle,
With hands tied by red string,
Nothing else, no one else.
Only thoughts and silent prayers are left to give.
Along with fragile dreams,
A world within my mind.
A dream, a dream,
An escape, an escape,
My freedom, my cage,
My own little world.
Broken glass,
Lies all over,
Tangled in red string,
That holds up glass stars,
My glass star heart.
The books…
The flowers…
The starlit sky…
A single candle flame…
A silent prayer…
Are they even real?
Scattered paper,
Fragments of a record,
Blooming Forget-me-nots,
Stained with tears and pencil led.
The only clues to thoughts, to memories,
Far away emotions,
I was close to losing.
I’m forgetting,
I’m remembering.
I’m losing,
I’m gaining-
The last sparks of light,
Of gentle fragile light,
That burns like starlight.
Its bittersweet,
Its lonely,
In this place,
Only silence,
As I weave together the pieces,
The fragments of-
All I hold are Forget-me-nots,
A single candle,
With hands tied by red string,
Nothing else, no one else.
Only thoughts and silent prayers are left to give.
Along with fragile dreams,
A world within my mind.
It’s all changing,
The birds are flying away,
The past is the past forever.
Yet will love,
Be indomitable?
For that is one thing,
I know I wish for.
How long have I silently been begging,
Quietly whispering a wordless prayer.
My glass star heart…
The books…
The flowers…
The starlit sky…
A single candle flame…
A silent prayer…
Are they even real?
Scattered paper,
Fragments of a record,
Blooming Forget-me-nots,
Stained with tears and pencil led,
Bits of red from cuts made by Thorns.
The only clues to thoughts, to memories,
Far away emotions,
All I hold so dearly to my broken soul,
My glass heart,
That I was close to losing,
That life is trying to take from me.
All I hold are Forget-me-nots,
A single candle,
With hands tied by red string,
What else is there to give?
What else can I dream?
What else can I see?
Forget-me-nots surround me,
While stinging Nettles,
The cursed Nightshade,
Beg me to sleep.
But Ivy and Holly,
Hold me back.
Fire burns away,
To ash they slowly become.
As in their place grows Hawthorn and Yew.
Forget-me-nots all over,
Broken glass still lies scattered,
Among a forest of books,
With glass stars and red string,
My glass star heart.
Are they even real?
Will love,
Be indomitable?
Will my silent prayers,
Be answered?
Will I always remember?
This inner world,
This other place.
That other me,
Are they even real?
Forget-me-nots surround me,
As I forever silently weave,
Quietly existing in my little world,
Embraced by the Forget-me-nots;

Saturday, October 17, 2020

Chapter Four: Spell of Intertwining

 “Tie me a knot of string, made with Holly and Ivy.”

“Give a gift of golden Wheat, with Basil and Thorn Apple.”

“The words of Freesia, the meaning of Edelweiss.”

“So silent, so quiet, so speak softly before them.”

“Before the lonely Yew, holding Cedar and Birch.”

“Wish well the spirits of Hawthorn.”

“Before you tie me a knot of string.”

“Made of Holly and Ivy, with Forget-me-nots.”

“For a spell, a wish to be forever intertwined.”

Tell me a story of ages past,

Speak to me a spell of Hawthorn and protection.

Sing to me, the voices of the forest.

The silent words of flowers,

Of the hidden spirits that walk among us.

In a field of golden Wheat,

Run, run, become the wind.

In the deep forests,

Sleep, sleep, become the earth.

A bed of Holly waits for you,

Beneath the Mistletoe.

Fire burns, fire takes,

Fire renews.

From the grey comes the green,

A new beginning.

So lonely I was,

Until you came.

From loneliness,

I learned to keep hold,

Of the fleeting moments,

That will someday be no more.

Avoid the Nightshade and Nettles,

The black Mulberry and Mandrake.

Follow the Great Maple, the Ivy,

The gentle Edelweiss and the Bitter Root.

In a field of golden Wheat,

Run, run, become the wind.

In the deep forests,

Sleep, sleep, become the earth.

A bed of Holly waits for you,

Beneath the Mistletoe.

Water flows and gives,

Its rage destroys,

Its calm gives life.

So cold is the white snow,

So tall the mountains are,

So close to the clouds above,

Yet so far.

Tell me a story of ages past,

Speak to me a spell of Hawthorn and protection.

Sing to me, the voices of the forest.

The silent words of flowers,

Of the hidden spirits that walk among us.

Don’t leave me,

Don’t go.

Let us be together forever,

Within the forgotten lands,

Among spirits of the past,

Intertwined together.

So lonely I was,

Until you came.

From loneliness,

I learned to keep hold,

Of the fleeting moments,

That will someday be no more.

Let us cast a spell,

To keep hold a while longer,

The time we have together.

So, tie me a knot of string, made with Holly and Ivy.

Give a gift of golden Wheat, with Basil and Thorn Apple.

The words of Freesia, the meaning of Edelweiss.

So silent, so quiet, so speak softly before them.

Before the lonely Yew, holding Cedar and Birch.

Wish well the spirits of Hawthorn.

Before you tie me a knot of string.

Made of Holly and Ivy, with Forget-me-nots.

For a spell, a wish to be forever intertwined.

Always, for eternity,

Even when apart.

Tell me a story of ages past,

Speak to me a spell of Hawthorn and protection.

Sing to me, the voices of the forest.

The silent words of flowers,

Of the hidden spirits that walk among us.

In a field of golden Wheat,

Run, run, become the wind.

In the deep forests,

Sleep, sleep, become the earth.

A bed of Holly waits for you,

Beneath the Mistletoe.

The wind blows,

So free, so gentle, so fierce.

The seeds scatter and spread,

Voices are caught in the wind.

Avoid the Nightshade and Nettles,

The black Mulberry and Mandrake.

Follow the Great Maple, the Ivy,

The gentle Edelweiss and the Bitter Root.

Don’t leave me,

Don’t go.

Let us be together forever,

Within the forgotten lands,

Among spirits of the past,

Intertwined together.

Tie me a knot of string, made with Holly and Ivy.

Give a gift of golden Wheat, with Basil and Thorn Apple.

The words of Freesia, the meaning of Edelweiss.

So silent, so quiet, so speak softly before them.

Before the lonely Yew, holding Cedar and Birch.

Wish well the spirits of Hawthorn.

Before you tie me a knot of string.

Made of Holly and Ivy, with Forget-me-nots.

For a spell, a wish to be forever intertwined.

Always, for eternity,

Even when apart.

Even as the world falls apart,

Even if all shall fade,

Tie me a knot of string,

For a spell to be forever intertwined.

To always be two that is one,

Hold me, hold me,

Don’t let go.

Don’t forget,

Don’t let go,

Tell me a story,

Tell me you love me;


To be Continued...

Monday, September 28, 2020

Meowzers Hello!

Hey! Listen!!! I got some news for ya all!!! 

So recently if no one has noticed that little thing saying "Support Me on Ko-fi", I just wanted to point that out and share a bit. If you also look down at the links to my other social media accounts and such you'll notice that Patreon is missing, that's because I decided to stop using it and start by using Ko-fi. I do hope you can all help support me there, at the moment though I will admit I don't have much posted there because of life but I will in time and if people are willing to support me. (I don't like wasting my time on stuff is all)

I also recently set up a shop on Etsy to sell little things, I have only like 5 things in my shop partly cause I'm working on ideas for what else to sell besides simply little designs. Check them out if ya have a chance, Ko-fi link is easy to find, and down below my Etsy link will be replacing my Patreon one.

I hope you can all help me by supporting me so I can keep creating!! Meow ya later!! Thanks for reading and have a great day!!

Tuesday, September 22, 2020

To You

 To you,

I would give you everything.

To you,

I would give all that I am.

And all that I would ever be.

To you,

For you,

I will do anything,

To see you again.

So pale are the lilies,

So blue are the forget-me-nots.

So painfully lonely,

Is you not being here.

Tie a knot of string,

Kiss beneath the mistletoe,

Under a winter moon.

Speak a spell,

To stay forever here,

To never forget.

To you,

I would give everything.

To you,

I would give all that I am.

But where are you?

Where have you gone?

For you,

I would give my life.

For you,

I will become anything.

For you,

I’d even become the darkness,

For your light to shine.

So pale are the lilies,

So blue are the forget-me-nots.

So painfully lonely,

Is you not being here.

Tie a knot of string,

Kiss beneath the mistletoe,

Under a winter moon.

Speak a spell,

To stay forever here,

To never forget.

Weave a story,

Tell a tale for me,

For I want to hear your voice.

Hold me safe,

Hold me tight,

To feel your warmth,

Your kindness.

The vines tangle,

The thorns prick,

Hiding what lies beneath.

The nettles sting,

The frost bites,

Every time you hide your pain.

To you,

I would give you everything.

To you,

I would give all that I am.

And all that I would ever be.

To you,

For you,

I will do anything,

To see you again.

For you,

I would give my life.

For you,

I will become anything.

For you,

I’d even become the darkness,

For your light to shine.

For you,

I’d let the thorns prick,

The nettles sting,

To chase away the biting cold,

To give you warmth,

To give you love.

I don’t care if I’m a fool,

Cause you are my everything.

To you,

I make a wish.

For you,

I speak a prayer.

To see you once again,

To be by your side again.

Tie a knot of string,

Kiss beneath the mistletoe,

Under a winter moon.

Speak a spell,

To be together,

Bonded together.

Till no more we breath,

Till our hearts stop beating.

So pale are the lilies,

So blue are the forget-me-nots.

Next to the red colored roses,

The dying roses,

The nearly black petals.

To you,

I would give all that I am.

And all that I would ever be.

For you,

I’d give you my life.

Please don’t leave,

Don’t leave me behind.

You are everything,

You are my light.

To you,

I ask the stars,

To let us meet again.

To you,

I would give all that I am.

And all that I would ever be.

To you,

And you alone.

Will I say,

I love you;

Weave Song

Where are you?

Where am I?

Sing, oh sing,

Weave me a never-ending story,

Let me dream for eternity.

Fall and rise,

The stars shine,

So briefly,

So fleeting,

It burns in the abyss of time.

Please sing for me,

Weave a story never-ending,

Sing, oh sing,

A world to forever dwell within.

Let me sleep,

Let me dream.

In the dark eternal sky,

In the endless expanse.

So cold is the dark,

So hot is the light.

Burn oh light,

Forever burn,

And end in fire.

Let the ashes scatter,

Let the stardust fly free.

Where are you?

Where am I?

Sing, oh sing,

Weave me a never-ending story,

Weave and dream a story,

One untold,

One yet to be,

One from long ago,

One never real,

One-

Sing, sing for me,

A place to dwell,

There- here I stay,

Deep in sleep,

Lost to another place.

Deep in sleep,

I cannot hear,

I cannot see,

I cannot feel.

In the dark eternal sky,

In the endless expanse.

Fall and rise,

The stars shine,

So cold is the dark,

So hot is the light.

So briefly,

So fleeting,

It burns in the abyss of time.

Burn oh light,

Forever burn,

And end in fire.

Let the ashes scatter,

Let the stardust fly free.

Where are you?

Where am I?

Where, just where?

Are we supposed to be?

Sing, oh sing,

Sing, sing for me,

Weave me a never-ending story,

Weave and dream a story yet to be spoken,

Let me dream for eternity.

There, here,

Let me sleep and dream.

So cold, so warm,

In the endless sky,

So eternal, never ending.

Always changing,

Always awake,

Always asleep.

Lost to another place,

Another world.

I cannot hear,

I cannot see,

I cannot feel,

In the eternal sky.

Where are you?

Where am I?

Where are we supposed to be?

Where, just where?

Please sing, sing,

Sing for me.

Don’t fade,

Don’t leave,

Don’t leave me behind.

Sing, oh sing,

Sing, sing for me,

Weave me a never-ending story,

Weave and dream a story,

One untold,

One yet to be,

One from long ago,

One never real,

One-

Sing, sing for me,

A place to dwell,

One to stay within,

Let me stay,

Let me be there.

Stay with me,

Stay with me,

Until the song ends,

Until we fall into the abyss of time,

Until we become stardust;