Thursday, June 25, 2015

Last Words

What is happiness?
What is love?
Is there any happiness in this world?
Slowly I'm forgetting the joyful times in my life.
I seem to get criticized for every little thing I do.
When I try to speak, my voice is always swallowed but a cacophony of rusting gears.
Among other humans, I am slowly forgotten, in a corner watching.
Always wearing a mask of lies, I cry and scream.
Saying "I'm all right", "nothings wrong" or "I'm fine."
To escape both reality's cruelness and the slowly fading humanity of others.
I go into my quite world, where I create a fake world filled with dreams.
Within my sleep, I feel peaceful and free.
A place where light or shadow cannot reach me, a place where only I can go.
Piece by piece I fall apart, my heart as started to shatter under the burdens of the world's expectations and cruelness.
I hold back my tears and screams, drowning and suffocating from the shadows and cold heartless machines.
If I die, will anyone cry for me?
Will anyone remember me?
If I disappeared, would someone try to find me?
I cannot speak, I cannot draw, the things I wan to say.
I can only create with words on paper.
I want to find meaning in my existence, my short life.
At times I want to fall into eternal sleep, but if I did would I dream, a happy dream?
I dreamed that the dead became stars that shine in the sky, that eternal sky.
Yet it is only a false wish.
I once thought these worlds, "If you can only have one wish what would it be?"
In the end my one and only wish, "Is to have meaning to my life."
These are my last words.